Bilingual Fingers//双语手指

I love English & Chinese
"My life and Singapore aren't perfect"

Reunion Dinner

posted by cockroach//蟑螂 at Saturday, January 28, 2006 11:02 AM

Hello! Happy Chinese New Year Everyone! Cockroach now is busying preparing reunion dinner. Yes, we start eating in the afternoon, continue until midnight.

Yes, BBQ plus steamboat.


Cockroach won’t cerebrate Chinese New Year, only papa and mama give ah bao. Since recent years a lot of people I know online got marry, why not give this poor cockroach red packet?

Anyway hor, my Chinese New Year got lots of things to do. Enjoy your holidays! I will be in front of my computer and enjoy my work. (This also means that I got more time to blog when I have done with my work.)

Work... :(

MSN - Talented cook

posted by cockroach//蟑螂 at Thursday, January 26, 2006 12:57 AM

For some of people who know me well, they should know that cockroach can cook well. Well enough to come out with his recipe.

Cockroach: Cheese Bread! I invented it!

GeckoZ: Wah! You very good at cooking.

Cockroach: Ha! Ha! Ha! You too! You every time eat, eat, eat. Sure know how to cook a lot of things. Don’t forget to share your recipe….

GeckoZ: I know how to cook different favor of maggi mee!

Cockroach: -___________-|||

Soon, GeckoZ changed his MSN nick to: “I think I’m a talented cook. I can whip out seafood flavoured; tomyam flavoured and curry flavored maggi mee!!!”

I didn’t tell GeckoZ about it, I think everyone is a talented cook also, because everyone knows how to bake Chocolate Cake in the toile.

At here:


posted by cockroach//蟑螂 at Tuesday, January 24, 2006 11:30 PM

Yesterday, I planed to blog. But I am too tired after my 7.15AM to 2.05PM, and 6.30 PM to 9.30 PM lessons. I fall asleep while typing the blog post.

Today, I wanted to blog, but I am too sick to blog. Fever when up and up and never goes now.

I promise, tomorrow, no matter what I will put up the post that I wanted to. Even I die, I post it first then I die.

Singapore Parent interfere too much

posted by cockroach//蟑螂 at Saturday, January 21, 2006 3:57 AM

, Last Saturday, the alarm clock rang at about 6AM.

Cockroach: “Ai yo, today Saturday, Why must I go back to school to entertain those parents?!?!”

Fair enough, I drag my foot to the school thinking “Maybe I should go, because there will be a lot of parents coming and that might have inspiration for my blog!” there; I took my camera and head to the school. (What else Blogger do? Only know how to take photos for blog…)

Singapore Parents, never fail to make me laugh. They are worry on their child which school they got into. What stream they got into. Now, they also worry about what CCA their child got into. Sometimes, I think they just interfere too much…

Case 1:
Student (Boy) handsome 1111: Mama, can join NCC or not?
Mama: Don’t want lah. March, March, March where got good? Some more you see they paint their face. Latter your skin spoil. Cannot, cannot.
Student (Boy) handsome 1111: The basketball?
Mama: Cannot… play so much basketball for what? See, your skin so dark. Latter you sweat so much latter got body odour.

Case 2:
Student (Boy) handsome 2222: I want to join NPCC!
Mama: eh… don’t want lah. You see the uniform, latter very hard to wash and iron. Unless you wash the uniform by yourself if not you don’t join uniform groups.

Case 3:
Student (Girl) HOT 3333: I want to join Girl Guild.
Mama: Cannot. You see, they do marching, marching only for guys, not for girls. You join those Chinese Dance…better.
Student (Girl) HOT 3333: But I dance like chicken dance like that…!!!

Case 4:
Student (Boy) handsome 4444: Papa, I want to join band.
Papa: Band where got good? You see they play music so loud, latter not good for your ears. Why not you join uniform group, so next time you NS better…
Student (Boy) handsome 4444: Don’t want! Not nice one…not my type…

Case 5:
This one is funny to me, seem like parents don’t understand simple English.
Mama: Ah boy, you want to join Girl Brigade or not? Last time Mama also joins this one.
Student (Boy) handsome 5555: Ai yo, mother! This one for girls to join… Can’t you see is GIRL BRIGADE?!?!
Mama: got different meh? Never mind lah…still can join.

As you can see, parents are like a weird creature. Their kids want this, but parents don’t allow. The above is just a few cases only. I didn’t touch on why some parents want their kids to join Band, Choir. Parents think that Band and Choir is for those high class people. So join will give them pride!

Worst still, some parents don’t even like all the CCA that school offer. This cannot, that cannot…Cockroach here proudly introducing a club that parents will want their kids to join if they scare their kids will have: body odour because of sport, sun because of marching, music because scare their kids will go deaf… here…I introducing a club…that the kids just go into a air-con room, sit down on a chair, and start to…start to…shake leg! Here proudly introducing Shake Leg Club! Yea, it solves the problem, isn’t it? No body odour anymore because student is in air-con room plus you don’t have to run, not even walks! Muhahahaha!!! If Shake Leg Club really exists, I’m sure most students will choose it for their first choice of CCA.


Sorry Hor...

posted by cockroach//蟑螂 at Monday, January 16, 2006 1:16 AM

A sincere apology to all my readers, I didn’t update my blog as often as before. Not because the blog is going to shutdown nor the Blogger of this blog had knock down by car (Touchwood!) it is because I am having lots of test and homework.

Test and homework is pilling up, up high up! It’s like the homework and test will not going to finish. Plus events that coming this few weeks, CCA Fair, Award prize presentation and etc is driving me crazy.

A new post should be up soon, very soon. If you are using Hotmail, MSN Messenger/ Live Messenger, you are recommended to use MSN Alert. It alerts you through MSN Messenger/ Live Messenger and sends an E-Mail to you whenever the blog got updates.

Very cool hor? I think your should thank Microsoft for not letting people to upload their own pictures to replace the bell icon. If not, Cockroach here sure uploads a photo of disgusting cockroach.

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Sorry once again. Next blog topic should be “Singapore Parent interfere too much” …Eh…why Singapore Parent again?!?! Because they makes us suffer. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Am I Fat?!?!

posted by cockroach//蟑螂 at Saturday, January 14, 2006 2:24 AM

I will make this a short post since I am hurry up to went to bed as I need to wake up early tomorrow and report to school. *sigh* Saturday leh!!!

Okay, I admit that the “Ah boy” in “Kaisu Singapore Parent” is me. Today, I am going to post what happen when I buy my PE T-shirt yesterday. (Sort of related….)

Being a Kaisu Singapore, I wanted to buy our school “newly released PE T-Shirt”. (Actually is because my old PE T-Shirt turn yellowish) I went to the place where they sell the new PE T-Shirt.

Cockroach: Auntie, PE T-Shirt how much?
Auntie: Depends on the size.
Cockroach: Then you see my body size should where which size of PE T-Shirt.
Auntie: Eh… XXL.
Cockroach: What?!?! Am I that fat?!?!
Auntie: You want or not?
Cockroach: then the pants? Also XXL?!?! Latter very loose…
Auntie: No…Is XXXL for your pants.
Cockroach: …eh…forget it… I never ever going to accept that I am going to wear “L” size with “X” in front some more…

Even though I keep saying that I am getting fatter, but I don’t think I fat until need to wear L size shirt and pants right? You will be the judge, Am I Fat?

Maybe because my camera isn’t good enough to show clear photos, it didn’t turn out as what I see from the mirror when taking the photos. I seem to be fatter in photo…., maybe I should ask one of my friends who have professional camera to lend me his camera. (To be fair, right?)

PS: Xiaoxin, if I am really fat, don’t drag me to KFC (Keep Fit Club)!!!

Cockroach is not dead yet

posted by cockroach//蟑螂 at Thursday, January 12, 2006 12:53 AM

Just wanted to let your know that Cockroach is not dead yet, Cockroach is sick right now. Having fever, cold, “bone-cold”, nothing got to do with insecticide. And nope, Cockroach didn’t use “Condom Ice-Bag”.

Hope Cockroach can get better soon. I think I better go back and study now and rest after that, I think I just need more rest…


Kiasu Singapore Parents

posted by cockroach//蟑螂 at Tuesday, January 10, 2006 3:59 AM

Sometimes teachers, principal and maybe the government are not happy about the kid’s height and weight. Every year, in January and July, (which both after a long school break), the teachers will measure the student’s height and weight just to make sure they don’t put too much weight over the holidays. If they do, they will ended up in KFC (Cockroach Language: Keep Fit Club) or Trim and Fit (As know as TAF Club) which they will run for 30 minutes during their recess and they don’t got the chance to take a break during recess (In my case).

Why am I talking about this? Because I want to tell you a story….Long time ago…

Mother: Ah boy, faster eat. Kitchen still got some more.
Boy: But I finish one big plate of rice, I can’t eat anymore.
Mother: Nonsense! One plate where got enough? You now in puberty stage must so eat more. Faster, give me your plate.
Boy: But mom, I really cannot eat already. I now can’t even wear my clothes now. I must try to eat less.
Mother: Fatter nicer what…
Boy: But I will go TAF club.
Mother: Nonsense! You must be fortunate that you can eat, other country want to eat also don’t have. Faster, eat.

Mother: Ah boy, come and eat humbugger for supper.
Ah boy: Just now I eat 3 plate of rice, still haven’t digest finish, I can’t eat anymore.
Mother: Nonsense! You now in puberty stage so must eat more.
Ah boy: but my PE teacher said eat supper not good, later will grow fat.
Mother: If guy fat a bit never mind. Guy should be a bit fat then look nice. Ah boy: Buy I am not just fat a bit. Latter school reopen I need to go TAF club.
Mother: Nonsense! The school asks you to go and die why not you go and die also. Follow the school for what? Eat is fortune, you better eat now or else next time don’t ask me to cook for you. Tomorrow won’t cook your dinner!
Boy: Ok, Ok, Ok. I eat, I eat, I eat…

As you can see, that ‘boy’ is in a difficult situation (That ‘boy’ don’t dare to talk back to his mom), he doesn’t want to eat anymore but parents were afraid that their kids don’t get enough nutrition, afraid their kids can’t grow well in their puberty stage and other kinds of reason that make them keep feeding their kids even thought the kids already very full. That’s explain why some kids are overweight, because parents over feed them, Kiasu Singapore Parents.

Buying condom

posted by cockroach//蟑螂 at Sunday, January 08, 2006 2:46 AM

Yea right, see the title? Buying condom! If you are heading for pervert stuff, beside go and read this and this post, there is no more pervert post for you, please go somewhere else for prevent stuffs.

Anyway, today topic will be about condom! Condom can not only use for sex, it can serve as a balloon and give it to a girlfriend. It can also serve as an ice bag when you are having high fever, like this:


You can buy condom everywhere in Singapore! Supermarket, 7-11 (24 hours convenient store) or maybe even the guy next door who buy himself XXL size condom when he need a XXS condom.

I was at 7-11 today to buy….eh… Ice-cream (If you think I am buying condom, you think too much) and there was a guy, who in his 60s hugging 3 to 4 super big size potato chip packets, in front of me, both me and that guy queuing to pay our items. I was thinking “Wah! That uncle very power! He can eat so many potato chips. I can’t even finish one packet of potato chip by myself.”

That uncle put all the potato chip carefully on the counter and said “Count everything, every single thing.” There, the potato chips were held up ready to be scanned, a packet of condom revealed itself at this point of time…

Cashier: Is this yours? (Holding the condom packet.)
Uncle: I said count every single thing right?
Cashier: So this is yours?
Uncle: Faster!!!!

And that Uncle left like the speed of light, so quick, so fast. After paying my Ice cream, I saw uncle at one Conner near the shop. Uncle asked me to go near him…

Uncle: Those potato chip give you eat.
Cockroach: eh…you don’t want?
Uncle: I got diabetes, cannot eat this potato chip.
Cockroach: Then why you buy?!?!
Uncle: Because I need to buy that thing, because embarrass so use potato chip to cover.
Cockroach: How much? I buy from you the potato chip.
Uncle: No need, treat you. (Pass the Plastic pack to Cockroach; take out the condom and left)

Eh…I don’t know about others. But I think this method of buying condom is really funny. Because of one condom, he ended up have to pay potato chips also. Is buying condom that embarrassing? Don’t tell me all Singapore guys buy condom in this method. Anyway, hope guys out there won’t have a “hard time” buying condom in Singapore. =)

Ugly Singaporeans

posted by cockroach//蟑螂 at Thursday, January 05, 2006 12:40 AM

Hello tree, I don’t know how you become trolley collection point.

I first saw this trolley on the first day of school while on the way to school. Actually there are 3 trolleys, but today somehow or rather, other 2 trolley went missing. Maybe some Singapore Aunties put 1 dollar coin and went wet market with the trolley to put their vegetables. And mind you, this trolley is from a toy store, Toys"R"Us, not from NTUC (One of the Singapore Supermarket). But again, how come 3 toy store’s trolley appeared? One, maybe someone kiasu use 3 trolley at the same time OR, two, maybe there were 3 different people using trolley and use the tree as trolley collection point.

Don’t you think it look like a trolley collection point?
No more 1 dollar coin, maybe someone dig it out.

Evident for trolley came from Toys"R"Us.

No matter what, this is “Ugly Singaporeans”.

POA Lesson, New Teacher

posted by cockroach//蟑螂 at Wednesday, January 04, 2006 1:53 AM

How is your first day lesson? This year will be a challenging year since I am taking GCE exam. Not just challenging only, it make me nervous even though there is few month away. But today something happen makes me more nervous, and if this continues, I don't think can pass my GCE exam…

(Click to enlarge the pictures)

Guess how she reply....

What can I said? Pray hard, just have to pray hard.

Back To School

posted by cockroach//蟑螂 at Tuesday, January 03, 2006 12:51 AM

In a few hours time, Cockroach will be going back to school!

Cockroach now is super excited! Why excited? Cockroach himself doesn’t know excited for what. Maybe, Cockroach is dieing to go back to school. Ha! Ha! Ha!

A new year, a new start! Tomorrow first day of school, got special edition of school Cockroach tomorrow. Why Special? Let’s see:

Special number 1: Hair style
Cockroach never styles his hair in school before. Tomorrow, since it is the first day of school, Cockroach break his own law and style his hair. But whether will it success or not is another story, just now Cockroach “rehears” to style the hair. You know what? The more I style, the worst result I get. Cockroach never use those wax before, don’t know how to use, ask a question, should the hair wet or dry when apply wax?

Special number 2: Bag
Cockroach always bring big bag to school. Reason is because Cockroach has many books to bring to school and I only put some books in school, the rest I bring it to school and bring it home. Tomorrow lesson won’t have much big books to carry, so Cockroach mange to put books into a small bag! Yah!!! No more people going to said Cockroach act good boy! Ha! Ha! Ha! But, small bags only for days when not many books, Cockroach will still carry books home every day.

Cockorach's tomorrow "Back To School" Bag

Special number 3: Changing image from time to time
Cockroach might change image from time to time. Like for example, morning you see Cockroach without spectacle, but in class you saw Cockroach with Black spectacle. At the next moment, you see Cockroach with Blue spectacle, so on and so for. This is just a scenario, Cockroach don’t have so many spectacle to change. So no more people going said Cockroach ugly guy! (That came from 2 people from my class, they think Cockroach most ugly person in the world.)

Another thing Cockroach is happy is about is Cockroach can have the right to sit in front! I mean, every time when teachers is changing sits, they sure put Cockroach at the back of the class. But Cockroach cannot concentrate when I am at the back; I will build castle in the air. But now, let’s image:

Teacher: Hey! You, go and change sit with XYZ.
Cockroach: Teacher, I cannot sit at the back. I cannot concentrate when I am at the back of the class.
Teacher: But they also cannot concentrate, just for my lesson.
Cockroach: I got another good reason why I cannot sit at the back.
Teacher: What reason?
Cockroach: Now I got eye problem, must sit at the front.
Teacher: …

Ha! Ha! Ha! I don’t think teachers is that bad when I said I cannot concentrate yet still want to put me at the back, but now I got more powerful reason why I should sit at the front, eye problem! Anyway, I don’t think anyone is going to snatch the front sit with me right? I think everyone will go to the back of the class so they can use hand phones during lesson.

Oh yea, Cockorach tomorrow will be naughty boy. Cockorach will secretly bring his dinosaur to school. Eh… because my dinosaur just born cannot make him die! I will ask dinosaur not to make noise even he had pass motion, want me to play with him and etc during lesson. Everything will do after lesson. Now just let’s hope that no one will know me bring dinosaur to school.

It’s late now, yet Cockroach is still excited on tomorrow lesson. How to sleep?!?! Okay, need to sleep now. Have fun with your lesson tomorrow with your students/ teachers!

A New Year, A Bad Start

posted by cockroach//蟑螂 at Monday, January 02, 2006 2:20 AM

Really, I have a bad start at the being of the year.

Actually it is not a BIG matter, nor a small matter. It doesn’t really hurt me directly, but it causes inconvenient to me directly. All because of Starhub fault!

I am using Starhub Maxonline Ultimate. It came with a free iview and SafeSurf till 31 Dec 2005. I don’t really like SafeSurf a lot. SafeSurf is a Value-Added Service for MaxOnline monthly access plan customers has enhanced security features to ensure every members of your family is safeguarded whenever they go online. Parents can be assured of a safe and enriching surfing experience for their children. Meaning, the blocked site that is not mean for kids. I got no choice; my plan comes with a FREE SafeSurf and they don’t have an option form asking me want or not. In fact, when I was looking at the plan, I already said I don’t want the Value-Added Services free (both iview and SafeSurf) because I am not using it. But one Starhub Staff talked to me parents:

Starhub Staff: You know hor…Nowadays hor… Teenagers like you child hor… like to surf porn. Our SafeSurf can block all Porn sites so he won’t turn bad…A lot of teenager hor…turn bad because they surf porn at home and parents don’t know.
Mom: Really har? Ok lorh, let’s take Starhub Ultimate.

Your guys might be wondering, “why Cockroach not happy? If for your own good, Cockroach didn’t surf porn website now not happy is it?” Actually, I don’t mind Starhub blocking porn sites; in fact, I think porn is the most disgusting thing ever. I rather get a wife when I grow up and watch her body, and nobody else. But I DO MIND Starhub block blogs, services, education website, and Google Translator!

Yes, they blocked some good blogs that have no sexuality content, they block services like, they blocked some education website which I don’t know why and last by not least, they blocked a famous search engine company’s translator, Google Translator.

I don’t know why they block it. No sexuality content in it, nothing offensive, WHY THEY GOT BLOCKED?!?! Still remember there was one time I was looking for Peranakan information for my project. And this stupid SafeSurf blocked a website which contains lots of information. In the end, I have to beg someone to copy and paste the website and send it to me so I can do my project because other website isn’t informative enough. Anyway, Starhub in their FAQ says that they do not decide on which website to block out. The database of undesirable websites is taken from and maintained by StarHub's SafeSurf vendor, SmartFilter.

Yea right, it is over right, since it is till 31 Dec 2005. Are you thinking “Cockroach now sure very happy, besides using all the services that were blocked, now he can even surf porn.” No, you are wrong. They extended this “very good service” to 31 Dec 2006. Yea, there is one more year to go. Don’t believe me? See:

(Click for larger view.)

Poor Cockroach, have to suffer for another 1 year. I mean, I wish the day of ending this SafeSurf for ages! Now they let me wait another 1 year. 1 year, not 1 day. During the time between 2005 and 2006, my conversation between GeckoZ:

Cockroach: 5
Cockroach: 4
Cockroach: 3
Cockroach: 2
Cockroach: 1
Cockroach: 0
Cockroach: Happy New Year!!!
Cockroach: Quick, quick, quick, give a porn website, I finally free from SafeSurf!!!

GeckoZ: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Cockroach: Eh… no need, just Google Translator will do.
Cockroach: Still blocked…

I got nothing much to said, I have to suffer from Starhub SafeSurf for another one year, songs may express myself better:

Original by Kevin, from here.
Edited by Cockroach and sing by Cockroach.

(Old Macdonald tune)
Here block, that block,
Anyhow block, block.
Old Macdonald had a website,
It got block by Starhub!

Click here for the mp3 [0:09, 155 KB]. Feel free to use this song if you are also a victim of SafeSurf. If it does not work, please wait for an hour or so.

Maxonline Ultimate will continue this SafeSurf till 31 Dec 2006. While, Maxonline 6500 will start from 1 Feb 2006 to 31 Dec 2006. Seem like user for this both plan have to suffer. HELP!!!~~~

Starhub: This is just my personal view; don’t sue me because of this. Your can E-Mail to to request the post to be taken down.


A guy who lives in a small island call “Singapore” where through his everyday life, he found that life isn’t perfect.

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