Chinese New Year?
Happy Chinese New Year everyone! I hope everyone enjoy taking their red packet, or maybe have their four long holiday to get body recharged.
Cockroach here, from day to night during Chinese New Year looked at the laptop with Microsoft Word screen. *sigh* this year no red packet (not even from dad and mom) relative all go oversea, me this year got big exam, cockroach don’t even dare to play so much. So its lead me a boring yet meaning Chinese New Year… (Like real…-_-)
Actually not cerebrating Chinese New Year is good also. I mean I save the trouble go house to house from east to west and visit people. Once more, people gossip about me when I was at the house. Last year…
Around the table having lunch together:
Relative 7777: Ai yo…Ah Jian (cockroach) har. Why you so big liao still no girlfriend? You see Ah Wa (my cousin) 2 years younger than you now already have third girlfriend liao. Guys must take initiative; you expect girls to go to you and said ‘I love you’ meh?
Cockroach: Ya…Ya….Ya…Ya…Ya…
When I want to get a girlfriend…is none of your business. Sometimes, I think their parent is proud of their son when they got girlfriend at such a young age…
And sometimes, to show off their son’s school:
Relative 3434: Hey! Wah, one year never see you, you still as short as before.
Cockroach: Ya…I know Ah Po grow taller…
Relative 3434: Now what school you studying?
Cockroach: Junyuan Secondary School.
Relative 3434: Huh? Which school is that? Never heard before leh…
Cockroach: Is a school located at Singapore.
Relative 3434: Your PSLE result not good is it? Go to a school that I never heard before. You see my ah boy, ai yo…I also don’t want to said har, he got into Dunman High leh. You sure heard of the school right? Top 10 school in Singapore. Blah…Blah…Blah…
Cockroach: Ya…Ya….Ya…Ya…Ya…
I hate it! I hate people said I go to neighbourhood school! What’s wrong with neighbourhood school?!?!
Besides comparing which school their child goes to, during Chinese New Year, they also compare their child’s last year End of Year Result and also not forgetting “parent teach parent how to give their child stress”:
Mother 1111: Hey! Happy New Year!!! Hey, last year your child results good or not?
Mother 8844: Eh…English 60+, Math 70+, Chinese 80+. English not very well done, but can pass can liao lah.
Mother 1111: Ai yo…so badly done?!?! You see my ah girl English get 80+, Math get 100. They primary 1 must give stress one, if not next time they won’t study one…
Mother 8844: But they still quite young, I don’t want to give them so much stress, latter they loss interest in studying.
Mother 1111: Cannot like that said…you must build up their basic, if not in primary 2 or 3 they don’t know how to do the more challenging questions. You must learn from me, I ask the tutor every time give ah girl 3 math papers to do, 4 English assignment books to do. This is call good stress, is for their own good. You want me to introduce tutor for you. Mine one is $300 per 8 lesson, very good…
Mother 8844: Eh…no need. I got tutor at home for $120 per 8 lessons.
Mother 1111: Ai yo, that tutor good meh? My teacher teach don’t know what school one leh, very famous one…want to get tutor must get this type one. Want or not? Very good, she gives a lot of homework and stuff, and my ah girl score so well…
Mother 8844: Eh…no thanks….
Mother 1111: Ai yo you… You want your child have bright future or not? I tell you har…if your child die die cannot study, cane sure works one. Some kids need to see cane then their mind start working. My Ah girl also like that…Blah…Blah…Blah…
I seriously pity my cousin who is now Primary 3. If I was she, I think I am the first one to jump off the building.
Anyway, beside things that got to do with kids, studies and school, recent years with hand phones and etc. Not much people send Chinese New Year greeting cards anymore. They turn to E-Greeting cards or just SMS to said “Happy Chinese New Year!”
This is the SMS I got early the morning of the first day of Chinese New Year:
“性年到，性年到，快乐性年人人要。安全套，避孕药，大街小巷买到笑。脱光衣，抱一抱，享受做爱多美妙。通通枪，通通枪，通通枪到洞洞痒。。。新版性年歌。”
Basically, a direct translation will goes like this:
“Sex Year come, Sex Year come, Happy Sex Year everyone wants. Condom, Contraceptive pills, every shop sell until siao (crazy). Take off clothes, hug and hug, enjoy having sex very fun. (I don’t know how to translate the last sentence “通通枪，通通枪，通通枪到洞洞痒。。。新版性年歌。”)
It is original a Chinese New Year song, but rewritten and become a “sex year song”. Oh…Singapore government still said Singaporeans not creative enough….this still call not creative?!?!
Okay, shall stop here, once again:
Cockroach here, from day to night during Chinese New Year looked at the laptop with Microsoft Word screen. *sigh* this year no red packet (not even from dad and mom) relative all go oversea, me this year got big exam, cockroach don’t even dare to play so much. So its lead me a boring yet meaning Chinese New Year… (Like real…-_-)
Actually not cerebrating Chinese New Year is good also. I mean I save the trouble go house to house from east to west and visit people. Once more, people gossip about me when I was at the house. Last year…
Around the table having lunch together:
Relative 7777: Ai yo…Ah Jian (cockroach) har. Why you so big liao still no girlfriend? You see Ah Wa (my cousin) 2 years younger than you now already have third girlfriend liao. Guys must take initiative; you expect girls to go to you and said ‘I love you’ meh?
Cockroach: Ya…Ya….Ya…Ya…Ya…
When I want to get a girlfriend…is none of your business. Sometimes, I think their parent is proud of their son when they got girlfriend at such a young age…
And sometimes, to show off their son’s school:
Relative 3434: Hey! Wah, one year never see you, you still as short as before.
Cockroach: Ya…I know Ah Po grow taller…
Relative 3434: Now what school you studying?
Cockroach: Junyuan Secondary School.
Relative 3434: Huh? Which school is that? Never heard before leh…
Cockroach: Is a school located at Singapore.
Relative 3434: Your PSLE result not good is it? Go to a school that I never heard before. You see my ah boy, ai yo…I also don’t want to said har, he got into Dunman High leh. You sure heard of the school right? Top 10 school in Singapore. Blah…Blah…Blah…
Cockroach: Ya…Ya….Ya…Ya…Ya…
I hate it! I hate people said I go to neighbourhood school! What’s wrong with neighbourhood school?!?!
Besides comparing which school their child goes to, during Chinese New Year, they also compare their child’s last year End of Year Result and also not forgetting “parent teach parent how to give their child stress”:
Mother 1111: Hey! Happy New Year!!! Hey, last year your child results good or not?
Mother 8844: Eh…English 60+, Math 70+, Chinese 80+. English not very well done, but can pass can liao lah.
Mother 1111: Ai yo…so badly done?!?! You see my ah girl English get 80+, Math get 100. They primary 1 must give stress one, if not next time they won’t study one…
Mother 8844: But they still quite young, I don’t want to give them so much stress, latter they loss interest in studying.
Mother 1111: Cannot like that said…you must build up their basic, if not in primary 2 or 3 they don’t know how to do the more challenging questions. You must learn from me, I ask the tutor every time give ah girl 3 math papers to do, 4 English assignment books to do. This is call good stress, is for their own good. You want me to introduce tutor for you. Mine one is $300 per 8 lesson, very good…
Mother 8844: Eh…no need. I got tutor at home for $120 per 8 lessons.
Mother 1111: Ai yo, that tutor good meh? My teacher teach don’t know what school one leh, very famous one…want to get tutor must get this type one. Want or not? Very good, she gives a lot of homework and stuff, and my ah girl score so well…
Mother 8844: Eh…no thanks….
Mother 1111: Ai yo you… You want your child have bright future or not? I tell you har…if your child die die cannot study, cane sure works one. Some kids need to see cane then their mind start working. My Ah girl also like that…Blah…Blah…Blah…
I seriously pity my cousin who is now Primary 3. If I was she, I think I am the first one to jump off the building.
Anyway, beside things that got to do with kids, studies and school, recent years with hand phones and etc. Not much people send Chinese New Year greeting cards anymore. They turn to E-Greeting cards or just SMS to said “Happy Chinese New Year!”
This is the SMS I got early the morning of the first day of Chinese New Year:
“性年到，性年到，快乐性年人人要。安全套，避孕药，大街小巷买到笑。脱光衣，抱一抱，享受做爱多美妙。通通枪，通通枪，通通枪到洞洞痒。。。新版性年歌。”
Basically, a direct translation will goes like this:
“Sex Year come, Sex Year come, Happy Sex Year everyone wants. Condom, Contraceptive pills, every shop sell until siao (crazy). Take off clothes, hug and hug, enjoy having sex very fun. (I don’t know how to translate the last sentence “通通枪，通通枪，通通枪到洞洞痒。。。新版性年歌。”)
It is original a Chinese New Year song, but rewritten and become a “sex year song”. Oh…Singapore government still said Singaporeans not creative enough….this still call not creative?!?!
Okay, shall stop here, once again:
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!
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5 Comments:
haha. funny sms sia.
Posted by june
Hahaha...why those ppl so fucking pat one? Children do so well doesn't mean you fucking good wei, it is the child that's good. Anyway, it is said by experts that comparing your child with another isn't a very good thing for the child. I forgot the reason why.
Wahh..go dunman high ah...I've never heard of that school at all. Hahaha. Anyway, it is the success in later part of life that matters. No point going into good school and come out as crap.
I don't get it, why must gf now one ah? is it a requirement? how old are you cockcroach? this is my theory.
they are just insecure
-->so that's why they need their children to have girlfriends
-->so that they feel that their child is wanted
-->so that it reflects that they created a good product
-->which in turn shows that they are not inferior.
:D
There was a saying about some pebble in some tin that makes the most noise whereas the filled tin is more silent. Something like that. :D
Posted by Wimal
Yes...june, the most funniest SMS I ever got.
Wimal, hehehe...I agree with you. No point getting into a good school and doesn't know basic manner.
I am...em...age is serect. But I am not already for BGR.
And...I agree your theory too:)
Posted by cockroach//蟑螂
1) Yk, I gotta give it to you. Say you're married already. "give good services every night" "produce good quality product every night"... Wait for your ah po to collapse lah, huh? lol...
2) The pressure is extremely needed. My teacher is threatening me to get 90 and above for my History test, or else whack me with a rotan. Imagine front headline "Teacher whacks student for 85 marks." lol...
3) I didn't know SMS could be so "creative"! Who send? Your teacher, izit?
Posted by Balthazar
Balthazar,
1)eh....yea hor...nonnono...latter everyone come to me and wish me happy chinese new year, I need to give them angbao!
2) cockroach strongly disagree with pressure!
3) a girl who send her SMS wrongly to me. I don't know her at all.
Posted by cockroach//蟑螂