Bilingual Fingers//双语手指

I love English & Chinese
"My life and Singapore aren't perfect"

Reflect the year 2005

posted by cockroach//蟑螂 at Saturday, December 31, 2005 11:41 PM

Now time 6PM of 2005. In a few hours time, 2005 will be a history; we will enter the year 2006.

Thinking backs the ups and down, happiness and sadness in year 2005, it did give me a lot of memory. I should said, year 2005 is my turning point, I changed a lot, really a lot. From a guy who normally goes to school, listen to the teacher’s lesson, when school ends, he went back home, to a guy, who take up “English rap” in class, other people might “English rap only…” but to me, it is a great gift. I never have any position in class before. This, given me a chance, to change myself.

But that also changed how people think about me, they call me teacher dog, all sort of nicks they give me. I don’t have many friends; I have no one to talk to. In 13 April 2005, I wrote in my personal dairy “Should I give up? Why others don’t understand me. Should I end it now?” I was really down at that time. But I told myself, it is a gift, I shouldn’t give up. The teachers and other people might be disappointed; I must treasure this gift till the end.

In the end, I make it. Probable it is the greatest thing I achieved in my life. If JC didn’t give me the chance, I might never know I can do it. I might still be a person who gives up easily. Thanks, JC.

Beside that, two things that happened this year induced great emotional attack to me. One is my pass on of my grandmother. I know, “Born, Age, Sick, Die” is the human cycle. But I regret that I didn’t spend more time with my grandmother. I miss her, the moment she was pushed for cremate, I really wish things can be change; the time can turn back, so I can spend more time with her. But that will never happen.

Another thing that has a great emotional attack to me is the danger of me getting blind at age 18. Till now, I am still afraid that I will really go blind at age 18. I never show my feeling in real world, except my blog and my personal diary. What happen if I really go blind at age 18? Will I be happier than now? Will I miss the colour of the world? Age 18 is coming nearer, my next appointment is coming soon, and how everything is going, I don’t know. I really don’t know, maybe is just my luck…

I might look strong, but I am not strong in my own world. The Blog and the personal dairy spend my time together of my hardship and sweetness. Since life is unpredictable, if one day something happen to me that I will be leaving, ask my family member to look for my personal dairy. It included only truth, and my own feeling. Cockroach here have not much friends in real world, but I wish one day I do have a bunch of friends, chat together, play together, have fun together. And those friends I want are truth friends.

Seem like I make my last post of the year a sad post eh? Now time 11.45pm. Left 15 more minutes to the year 2006, 2006, a being of a new life, challenge and journey. Best wish everyone, Happy New Year. Hope in the New Year, your will have a good life, happy and no worries. Once again, Happy New Year.


At 1/01/2006 12:43:00 AM

Happy New Year :D.

May cockroach have a lot "garbage" in the new year LOL... 

Posted by Maria aka Twinsmom

At 1/01/2006 10:34:00 AM

Hi Cockroach,
I am anonymous and decided to give myself a name. I am still reading your blog. It is understandable that you feel a bit melancholy and start asking the question "why no one understands me?" because I have gone through it all before when I was a teenager. By the way, I am middleaged and I definitely have more life experiences than you. These feelings will pass, I assure you and remember just stay positive and everything will be ok. I am a cancer survivor and what I have learnt from my illness is treasure whatever you have got and live each day to the fullest. I remember someone saying live each day as if it is your last so that you have no regrets (but of course don't forget your principles.) Sorry for my rambling and here's wishing you a very Happy New Year and don't forget to brush up on your english. A lot of effort is needed to improve in time for your O levels and remember to start reading more English books.  

Posted by bloomwood

At 1/01/2006 11:58:00 AM

"Another thing that has a great emotional attack to me is the danger of me getting blind at age 18. Till now, I am still afraid that I will really go blind at age 18."

Don't understand what it means. Can explain further?

Getting concern... 

Posted by 小嫒

At 1/01/2006 03:41:00 PM

Maria aka Twinsmom, thank you....Happy New Year!!!

小嫒, read: 

Posted by cockroach//蟑螂

At 1/01/2006 05:56:00 PM

bloomwood, thanks for visiting the blog ad give me a good guildance.

Maybe some of my thinking is different from other teenager. The rest treat me differently, sometimes I can't take it.

Thanks for your guildance. Problem is, I really don't want to get blind...

For my english, I am getting a tution soon. :) Hopefull it will helps in my english. And I do love to read books. I can't live without books. ;)

I got too much to said about your comment. But I don't know how to start and how to end it. Thanks for your comment, I like it. :) Hope that ou can post comment from time to time. :) 

Posted by cockroach//蟑螂

At 1/01/2006 06:54:00 PM

Don't worry about things tat's not yet happen, live your live to the fullest, enjoy & treasure your everyday, even if it is or not gonna happen. Happy new year to you, all thee best of luck to u... 

Posted by myvoicemail

At 1/02/2006 02:49:00 AM

myvoicemail, thanks! Happy New Year everyone!!! 

Posted by cockroach//蟑螂

At 3/08/2007 06:31:00 PM

job finding web site



Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home


A guy who lives in a small island call “Singapore” where through his everyday life, he found that life isn’t perfect.

Creative Commons License
Except stated otherwise, content of this site is
licensed under a Creative Commons License.