Bilingual Fingers//双语手指

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"My life and Singapore aren't perfect"

Singapore Aunties! 《新加坡阿嫂!》

posted by cockroach//蟑螂 at Sunday, November 20, 2005 3:36 AM

This post is in Singlish and hope other people don’t mind as the conversation that will posted is in Singlish, sorry about that! Recommend Teachers, student and parent to read it. Muhahaha!!!

This few days, I don’t have peaceful day. Why? Because of those parents, a group of devils who always worry about their children.

It’s end of year, and also marked as primary school student getting back their report books. And of course, Primary 1 kids will be getting their report books for their very first time. This will also make their devil parents nervous and worry. They will be worry their child overall marks, class position and etc. Yeah, this had made those parents so worry that everybody is talking about it when they are fetching their child from school.

So one Wednesday, the student will be getting their report books. Great news for the parent who will be using the result to make money! I mean, parent who will be using the result slip and go and apply non-government companies or organisation scholarship. Seriously, I am not joking. Some parent “invest” (tuition) a lot in their child to get $50 to $200 scholarship from non-government companies or organisation scholarship.

Of course, some parent would want their child result slip got photocopy because they want to apply those things. So got one auntie say:

Die lah, tonight no time go out and photocopy the result slip. How???

Cockroach being a nice guy, told her:

You can come to my house and photocopy! Free of charge, can come any time after school, but not so late. I want to sleep.

So cockroach had done a good thing, right? Cockroach is a nice and good boy right? But what I said to the auntie had caused me a lot of trouble.

On that night itself, a lot of people came to my house and want their child result get photocopied. It weird, I only told one auntie and there are about 30 aunties came to my house and wanted me to help them…

*Bang bang bang*(knock on the door)
Cockroach: Eh…who are you looking for?
Auntie 1: Oh…come here to photocopy result slip hor?
Cockroach: Auntie May not free so ask you to come?
Auntie 1: No lah, I don’t know her. I heard my friend here can help to photocopy result slip. Free some more, so I come lorh.
Cockroach: Oh…

And it is not Auntie May told them! Auntie May came at about 9pm and the Auntie came at 8 plus. It just got spread within hours! Guess who told them…

Cockroach: Auntie May! You told other people here can photocopy result slip?
Auntie May: No lah, Why? Those aunties come and photocopy also?
Cockroach: Yeah lorh, don’t know who so big mouth go and spread. You got tell other people or not?

Suddenly, got someone came to us and said…

Auntie 4444: Oh, I told some of them. I heard your conversation outside school. So thought I free one mah then tell other this lobang lorh.

Cockroach: …

Seriously, how can that person go round and spread? I am not angry about what. Is that, those aunties came to my house…

Switch on lights, fans, TV, as if this is their house. And also, talk and laughs and not watching their TV!!! Waste my electric…

Worst, on the second day, at around 6 am in the morning, some one knock on the door…

Uncle 5566: Eh… here photocopy result slip har? Can help me photocopy? I am rushing off to work.

Wah kao! That uncle knock on the door at 6 am in the MORNING just want me to photocopy the result slip.

Okay, cockroach cannot get so angry, if not will grow old faster. Relax, Relax…Think about the funny things that those aunties made.

Funny matter 1:
Explaining how the 100% for the end of year being calculated…

Cockroach: CA 2 stands 20% and the End of year exam stand 50%.
Auntie 4488: Then other 30% leh? Teacher eat it away har?
Cockroach: Ha…ha…ha…your joke not funny. The another 30% is from CA 1 and SA1 the first half year one.
Auntie 4488: Ai yo, why like that one? First half year don’t care liao mah. Why also include? Other school also like that meh? Ai yo, want to find that teacher liao lorh.
Cockroach: yea, other schools also like that, even secondary schools.
Auntie 4488: chey…*start scolding her child* you see lah; pull you down 4 marks lah. If not can get second in class liao. You lah, you lah…

Funny matter 2:
Asking the parent to sign at the first page in report book, Specimen Signature. See, Cockroach good boy, also help the school to check whether the parent got give Specimen signature or not.

Cockroach: Eh…Auntie, the front page not signed yet.
Auntie 2505: For what?
Cockroach: Eh…maybe next time teacher want to check the sign is it sign by parent or those little devils.
Auntie 2505: No need lah, so troublesome.
Child 2505: Tea-cher said ne-ed to sign al-so.
Cockroach: yeah, here is the pen, sign here, and ask uncle sign here.
Auntie 2505: Ai yo, so troublesome. Like didn’t sign the school will collapse like that.
Cockroach: Eh…next time if I become teacher, teach you grandson. I said very troublesome to take bus and go to school and teach. So no need to teach liao har?
Auntie 2505: Not the same lah. That will be your job, teach. Our job is just look at the result. And get money from the what …what “save you”.
Cockroach: It’s Edusave, not save you. It is just money, cannot save you.

Aunties nowadays getting more creative, from Edusave become “save you”. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Funny matter 3:
Last by not least, I think the following auntie very cute. Why cute? Carry on and read it!

Auntie cute cute: Eh…can help me put back the result slip inside the pocket?
Cockroach: huh? Why? You don’t know how to put? You come here just want me to put your result slip back into the pocket?!?!
Auntie cute cute: Because I scare the result slip spoil if I put inside mah.
Cockroach: then why the result slip hot hot one?
Auntie cute cute: oh…because I iron the result slip, to make it more smooth.
Cockroach: Oh…Ha! Ha! Ha!

Suddenly, think that Singapore Aunties are really funny. Because of their child, they made so many jokes. Ha! Ha! "Singapore Aunties!" Chinese Podcast coming out! Is the story friction or non-friction? You decide! Hope you like this "Singapore Aunties!" Chinese Podcast Intro. : ) 《新加坡阿嫂!》中文Podcast即将发行。是真是假,由你来决定!


At 11/20/2005 04:08:00 AM

why why why the aunties all can so thick skin wan?
they bring to ur house rite?
ur house look like a shop issit?
power lar!
how they noe where u stay wan? 

Posted by 壁虎

At 11/20/2005 07:53:00 PM

My house don't look like a shop, if look like a shop, nobody will come. Because if shop need to pay. :)

Didn't you know Singapore Aunties are like Singapore media? they speard things like fire, and worest, from first person "the apple is good" to the 100th person"the apple inside got worm". -_-||| 

Posted by cockroach//蟑螂

At 11/20/2005 09:40:00 PM

aiyo... singapore aunties are lidat wan ar? luckily i am from malaysia.. whahaha... :D 

Posted by shiaulin

At 11/20/2005 11:01:00 PM

wahahha.... this one is funny!
But you so poor thing! 

Posted by xiaoxin

At 11/21/2005 12:22:00 AM

Shiaulin, why lucky? Don't tell me you admit that you also auntie. Ha! Ha! Ha! You not auntie lah, got child, married, but still look very young. :) And yea, Singapore Aunties are like that....*no hope*

XiaoXin, Funny? Hope you have a great laught! :) Me, poor thing never mind. Doing good things help to get good karma. hahaha 

Posted by cockroach//蟑螂

At 11/21/2005 01:59:00 AM

you d*mn good patience, if me I freaking out 烦 liao, 可能是异性相吸,同性相斥。LOL... 

Posted by Maria aka Twinsmom

At 11/21/2005 11:58:00 AM

Ha! Ha! Ha! Twinsmom, as long as they don't use insecticide and kill me, I will be very patience with them. :) 

Posted by cockroach//蟑螂



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A guy who lives in a small island call “Singapore” where through his everyday life, he found that life isn’t perfect.

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